15 December 2008

Wasting Life Away

I feel like all I ever do anymore is quote songs.

Sometimes when I come here to post, all I want to do is copy-paste some lyrics from a song like "In Your Hands" by Thrice. But I mostly try to avoid it, because I want to be all about originality. The greatest compliment I've never received is "you're not like anyone else I know."
More often, I hear "you remind me of my friend." Urgh. Fail.

Imagine the complete emotional overhaul I felt this afternoon when I received a text that said the following:

"Am I loud and clear? Or am I breaking up?"

It could only be from one person. I've not yet replied. I know what the response should be, but in the interest of originality, so far I've refrained. We're still on the same page.

Aside from my dramas, I feel sad because Becky is still going through her own. I wish more than anything that I could look after her, but I really just have no idea what to do. How can you make the bad things go away when you don't even understand them?

Today I bought some paints so I can paint the top of my drawers. I'm pretty excited about. Not that I'm ever going to have time to do it now, with my two jobs. I've never felt busy, in my entire life. Quite often I've had the feeling that I'm on the verge of something incredible, but it never quite gets off the ground.

Tonight a friend asked me if I could airbrush a photo of her. To be honest, I didn't know where to start. In my head I have my ideals of what beauty is, but I in no way wish to offend my friend by digitally adjusting her picture to fit my standards. Isn't that just like... rude? I always feel like a bit of a hypocrite, going to town with PhotoShop on pictures, then looking in the mirror and realising I'm not in a position to be touching up anyone else. I took a photo of myself this afternoon and re-coloured my eyes brown. It's now my Facebook profile picture. I wonder if anyone will notice.

I have a long day tomorrow and I kind of wonder while I'm still up. I'm like, halfway between the gutter and the stars, unconvinced I should even dignify the text I received today with a response.

You are still my charm, you're not just bad luck.

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