7 December 2008


Just to confirm, I shuffled the post order of these two, just because "I'm not laying down" follows on from "11:57" and it's easier to read them that way. Enjoy =]

It's actually 12:11, but I'm sure we can ignore that small fact so I can keep with my on-and-off theme of giving my posts names from songs and books. I was cleaning my teeth at 11:57, so here I am. Anyway, I guess the fact that it's 12:13 (it took me two minutes to type that? Shame!) would indicate that I didn't go to the airport. Sigh. It was tempting and all, but I guess I'm kind of glad that I restrained myself.

Moving on... I had a pretty interesting conversation tonight with a guy I consider to be a pretty good friend, even though he pisses me off sometimes. For one thing, he seems to be a pretty harsh judge of people sometimes. Judging people is the one thing I really try my best not to do, because it makes me feel awful. I like to know a lot about a person before I draw any conclusions about them, although admittedly my mean, self-absorbed, and hypocritical side gets the better of me sometimes.

Example: tonight, said friend made a comment about how he thinks Becky seems self-centred. This is the same Becky I've talked about before, the one who feels constantly judged should she be brave enough to face the outside world with son Rhys in tow. How one could be a self-centred mother is beyond me, but he said that a lot of his reasoning was based on her most recent exploit - being pulled over while driving home after a few wines and as such receiving a court summons for Driving Under the Influence. He explained that his cousin was hit by a drunk driver when she was younger and paralysed, so I understand that it hit a sore spot.

Maybe it's my experiences with so many different athletes with disabilities and their respective backgrounds that sort of nullifies my emotional response to stories like that, but it's not like Becky's some sort of habitual drunken driver. She drove home after a few wines, and got unlucky (or lucky, as the case may be). It's not so much that I condone drink-driving, because I absolutely don't, but I feel it is a little unfair for that friend of mine to be calling her self-centred based on that wee incident.

I admit that I have had a drunken driving experience myself. It was last year after the Wintec ball (an event at which I was so drunk I could barely move by the time I left, as anyone in attendance there will attest to), and I'd been laying around in Kirby's bed for an hour or two, wondering where she got to. Eventually it got to about 5:30am, so I drove my my yoga class. This was after polishing off the last of my supply of vodka at about 3am. I'm not even kidding, I was SO drunk. I was super careful whilst driving. I could hardly see (I feel awful for saying it, but I do wonder if I even put my headlights on), and my extremities were pretty well numb for all the alcohol I'd consumed in the last twelve hours. Somehow I made it to class. I'm not sure why I was so hellbent on going. I didn't even like it, it was super awkward because Donny was in the class too, and of course it was impossible for me to pull off any sort of pose on this particular morning because I was so wasted. I also hadn't slept since the Monday (it was a Friday morning), which in my opinion played more of a role in my possibly erratic driving that morning than did the alcohol. I felt so terrible afterwards. A little bit because the drunkeness was starting to wear off, and I was beginning to feel my first-ever hangover, but mostly because of the moral dilemma I was in over driving while intoxicated. I definitely won't ever do it again, and I don't think Becky will either.

Does this make me self-centred? I hope not. If anything, I think the fact that I write a blog, have a Facebook page, and attend make-up school are more telling of any self-centred tendencies I might have. That and, oh - I do elite-level sport. Individual sport. I'm one of the most self-serving people I know. So lay off Becky, people! She's trying her best to make her way through a tough situation, and I salute that.

The guy in question here is an interesting one. Like I said, he's a good friend, but that doesn't stop me disagreeing with a lot of his opinions. The other night, for example, he said he was too glad to be alive to imagine not being happy with competing at the Olympics. People just don't understand this. If you're competitive enough to get there, you're not just going to lie down once you make it and be content with life all of a sudden. You're going to want to win. And when you don't, it sucks.

"Sometimes I feel like that, too." I admitted, a little ashamed at my sense of defeat. Imagine that! Being content with oneself! "Once, I came within an inch of being run down in a head-on with a huge SUV while I was on my bike. I definitely should have died. After that I felt pretty stoked."

"Do you think there's a difference in celebrating life," he replied "and celebrating not being killed?" He has a point, but to be honest, most days I don't really do much worth celebrating. I don't make differences in other peoples' lives on a daily basis, and on the days when I can't be assed training, I don't really make a difference in my own. My thoughts on the matter are pretty straight-forward.

If I'm content with my life, I might as well lay down and give up.

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