6 December 2008

Rex and all his friends

I live with a guy with ADHD. His name is Rex, and I think so far in his life, said condition has gone undiagnosed. We live in Bayswater, which according to the flyer Rex brought home the other night, is the best place in New Zealand to kitesurf.

Within minutes, Rex was on TradeMe, bidding his life away in an auction for a kitesurfing kit. When the bidding got to over $900, Rex's more level-headed other half, Steph, told him to stop bidding. Fair enough, given that prior to the auction, he had cited $800 as his top price. So he lost that auction.

The next evening, when Steph wasn't around, Rex was back on TradeMe, this time bidding on a board. When he won, he became agitated because the vendor hadn't emailed or called him at lightspeed. The phone rang, and he tore across the lounge, almost knocking his computer and a beer off the coffee table, to answer it. The disappointment on his face was almost textbook when it was Steph, and not the vendor. He even told his own girlfriend that he couldn't talk for long, in case the vendor called him. He really couldn't wait to get his hands on the board, even though, due to the fact that he hadn't yet sourced a harness or a kite to use it with. The theory was that he could practice standing on the board in the lounge.

Anyway, within minutes, the phone rang again, and again Rex leapt up to answer it. It stopped ringing in his hand. "CALL BACK!" he cried, falling to his knees. I'm not even kidding. He actually dropped to his knees when whoever was on the other end of the line hung up. Rex was pretty dejected, and dragged his feet as he went back to his chair.

"Hey, Rex" Sara said from another couch. "Um, I feel really bad... but that was me who just called you." How sneaky!
"I hate you." he replied. Sam and I nearly died laughing. It was the best prank ever! Rex didn't think so.

The next evening, when Sara got home from work, there was a voice message from the TradeMe vendor who sold Rex the board. She listened, but assumed Rex somehow knew and would pick it up on his way home from work. Not so. When Rex arrived home and she asked him, he nearly imploded with excitement and screamed at Sara "why didn't you tell me!?!"

Probably because he had just walked in the door, but that's not really part of the story.

He flew down the stairs and out into the garage.

"See ya!" he yelled into my room. I had just woken up from an after-school nap, so I had no idea where he was going at such break-neck speed. "Where are you going?" I asked, confused.
"To pick up my board!" He exclaimed, and got in his car and drove away.

Within half an hour, Rex was home and standing on the board in the middle of the lounge. When that got boring, he got back on TradeMe and was sourcing the rest of the kit he needed.

Yesterday he spent the afternoon running around the house wearing his new harness. I kind of wish I was joking about that, but it was pretty entertaining. He was like a kid in a candy store. Later that evening when Rowan came over, he got it out again. And then again when Aaron arrived.

Aaron's arrival was a pretty weird experience. I was taking a nap on the couch when a head popped up above the deck. It was very odd, given that our lounge is on the second floor.
"T-Rex! Are you in there?" he called. I squinted, and became quite concerned as to what exactly was happening. I sat up, just as he looked like he might climb right over the rail around the deck. He looked a little shocked. I walked out onto the deck.
"Hi..." I said. Between bites of his McDonalds burger, he cracked up laughing. He was standing on the roof of his car, chowing down on some kai he presumably bought from the Bayswater McDonald's. Turns out he's a friend of Rex's, and was thinking of climbing over the deck and sneaking into the flat to surprise him. What is it with people? Anyway, we chatted until Rex and Rowan returned from buying some meat and beers, him still standing on the roof of the car. I have to say, it's the first conversation I've had with someone on top of a car.

Of course, over dinner it came out that I was considering meeting Donny tonight at the airport. Rowan and Aaron thought this was pretty hilarious stuff, until they realised I was being serious.
"Um, " said Rowan. "He left and went to India without telling you. Why would you even want to see him again." I laughed nervously and avoided his eyes. "He's The One." I said firmly.
"Don't do it. He won't want to see you. It will just be awkward."

So at that moment, I realised he was right. What was I even thinking?

Another conversation that arose over our feast was whether or not Rex was taking kitesurfing lessons. "Nah. My mate had a lesson last week."
Umm, last week? "He's the expert, then!" said Rowan. Sounds like the blind leading the blind, but at least it's bound to have hilarious consequences. Stay tuned.
"Well, lessons are like, $160. Fuck that!"

This morning when I got up I found Rex running around the house in his harness again. Seriously, this guy needs Ritalin. Luckily, he's actually gone out to try out the "body-drag", which is the precursor to kitesurfing: kitesurfing without the board. He and Sam are down at the mangroves, flying an 11-metre kite, attached to Rex's waist. I can't wait to see how this turns out.

When I asked Rex this morning about what Rowan said (yeah, see are you getting the feeling that I should just make up my own mind, rather than asking everyone else?), he disagreed. "Go. Sounds like you can't make this situation any worse."

Which is a point in itself. There's absolutely no dignity left between Donny and I.

I've kind of secretly already decided what to wear.

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