11 May 2009

Miriam Casablancas And The Infinite Euphoria

I slept, almost uninterrupted, for twelve blissful hours last night. I had the occasional text, to which I attempted replies, but fell asleep part-way through. I also had one of those "sleeping-awake" dreams where my teammate Katie called me and asked me to come in and do more makeup for our film, and it wasn't until I was about to crawl out of bed to my car that our 48 hours were all over, and there was nothing else I could do.

The fact remains that "48 Hours Furious Filmmaking" was the greatest time of my life. The greatest night was Sophie's 21st, the best day was last year's XTERRA, but this has been the weekend.

It got me thinking about how easy it is to forget the worst days and remember the easy days, which accompanies my theory that as humans, we block out trauma as a coping mechanism (as a side note, I'd just like to confirm that I know that I am by no means the first person to theorise this.) and remember the good stuff. There were a few messy hours early on Sunday which led me to shed a few tears and tell the passenger in my car that "this is the worst night of my life". Prior to that I don't really know what the worst time of my life was.

I've had some crappy times. There was my race day in Athens. Another meet that didn't go to plan. The day I got hit by a car and fired from my job within the same hour. Once, before I got in the pool at a morning practice, my favourite cap split and I wailed "this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me". It prompted my coach Jo to say "you must have a pretty fantastic life."

And don't I? Don't you? I know I'm biased, because I'm coming off the world's greatest weekend, but to be honest, even though I don't have a job, and it's too cold nearly every single day to ride my bike without dying, my life is pretty fucking fantastic. Euphoric, even. Today, I got another rejection letter for a job I applied for last week. I wrote the world's greatest cover letter (I'm serious. I am so good at writing cover letters), but apparently it wasn't great enough, because I got one of those faceless emails that told me that while my application was of a high standard, I would not be moving on to the next stage of selection. Jobhunting is like a competitive sport! I should be good at it. But I don't really mind. I'm happy.

I'm not content, though. A well-meaning friend suggested "content" when I quizzed him for appropriate synonyms for the title of this post (it's taken from the Smashing Pumpkins' Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, in case you didn't work that one out already). Obviously said friend is not a very good one, because almost everyone I associate with knows that I hate content, contentedness, being content... you get the picture. Happiness is not content. He went on to suggest "excitement", which I'm sure you will agree, is another emotion altogether. Sure, I'm excited. But excitement is not happiness!

There is still much to be done. Today, I received an email informing me I've been invited to attend a testing day for cycling. It's part of a scheme to identify athletes to "fast-track" for the Olympics in 2012, so it's a start. You guys know how I feel about the Olympics. This could be my way back in. Anyway, it's going to be held May 22, so I have a few days to cover all my bases. I'm not even sure what I mean by "covering my bases" but I guess a few more long rides won't hurt.

I just looked for some appropriate pictures on Google Images for this post... but I can't really find any. It's just general euphoria. I hope you feel the same, yo.

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