8 December 2009

The Sonic Recreation Of The End Of The World

I read a ridiculous article on nzherald.co.nz today.

"Kiwis reveal travel loves and loathes" was one of the more pointless things I've read in a while, although I guess the title should have given this away. Nevertheless, I read it and now I feel slightly less intelligent for having done so.


Passport photos. Well, duh. You're not even allowed to freakin smile in passport photos, a concept I still don't understand. Is this because smiling changes your face to the extent that when you're tired and grumpy on your way home from Los Angeles that you're absolutely incomparable to your photo? As if. And what happens if you're smiling when you go through customs? Then what? Also, front-on photos don't suit anyone. I'm pretty sure Tyra Banks is the only person to have ever looked good in a passport photo, and I'm even doubtful of that. I think she's hideous, and the fact that she was able to book a job during a flight with her passport photo doesn't register with me. Move along.

Virtually every airport in the country "making some changes". Um, flying domestically isn't exactly considered "travel". And secondly, can you imagine if every airport remained the same as it was when built? Upgrades are necessary. Deal with it, you whiners.

Early morning international flights. Oh my god. Just be grateful you're going overseas!! Personally I think early morning domestic flights are worse. I mean, who wants to get up at 5am for a flight to... Invercargill? At least when you get off the international flight, you're going to be somewhere fun like Singapore or San Francisco. An upshot of early morning flights is that you can get some decent plane sleep in (we all know plane sleep is of the greatest quality, after all) and arrive, slightly more acclimated to the local time zone.

Having to take your laptop out going through security. I'll admit, this does seem ridiculous. What's the point of all those x-ray machines if they can't see through our laptop bags? And sure, Stanford may have just developed batteries in the form of paper (OMG, exciting, I know!!) but to be fair, what are the chances of having a weapon of mass destruction in your CD drive? Still, in the grand scheme of things, unzipping a bag a few times for the sake of not crashing into a huge building in Dubai doesn't really seem worth complaining about. I mean, do you ever think about how annoying it is after you walk away from security? Didn't think so.

Having to "fight" for the armrest. How about shut up? Who cares? Armrests are stupid.

The realisation that you only have one sleep left before you go home. Of course, if you're sleeping on a bench in LAX, it's probably a welcome realisation. But even if you're staying in the Ritz, it's still one night you can get trashed in. One more day you don't have to work...

Hotels and beaches that are nothing like their website picture. Unless you're talking about Kleeforks in England, BEACHES ARE AWESOME. How could you ever claim to "loathe" a beach!?

The "bad hair days" caused by humid holiday spots. Chances are, if you're the type of person to complain about something so ridiculous while vacationing, you're also the type of person that packed their GHD and a power adaptor. Problem solved.

Unpacking and finding your toothpaste, moisturiser or shampoo has leaked. Whenever I travel, I buy that kind of shit when I get there, mainly because my personal hygiene collection takes up a good quarter of my baggage allowance, not to mention the fact that much better shampoos and such can be purchased for a fraction of the price at Wal-Mart. Unless you're a complete retard and didn't pack properly anyway, the extent of spilt toothpaste is negligible. So shhh.

Tipping - why is that porter just hanging around? In the States, waitresses get paid $2 an hour. I challenge you to survive on that wage without tips.

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