31 October 2009

Out Of The Shadows

I noticed that I went a bit quiet for September, and for the most part, October.

Most of September was spent revolving around my excursion to ITU Worlds in Australia, then once I got back, I had all that trouble with Little Miss Crazy (shall we call her LMC from now on? Deal). Since her vigil over me actually concerned me to the extent where I didn't want to write anything, I stayed under wraps for a little while.

Then Ben got killed, and I actually couldn't sit at a computer (or anywhere) for longer than five minutes before breaking down into a small wreck. Now, I don't really see myself ever getting over that one of my besties died before we turned 25, and his family never had him home for one more Christmas, but I've started to get to the point now where I don't want to cry 24/7. Strangely, it helped that yesterday I had an afternoon nap with a dream where we all got to say goodbye for real. It was unnerving, because we'd had the funeral and he was with us, helping us paint the house, but I got my last hug from Ben, and one last smile. I woke up in tears, but feeling strangely calm.

Words to express how I feel about Ben's death still escape me, and I don't know if I'll ever find them. But, I think it's okay. He knew I appreciated his friendship, and adored him. He knew we thought he was awesome.

Anyway, it's November tomorrow, and the Summer Session looms. I start on November 9th, so I dare say the month of November will be a quiet one on here. I suppose I have nine days of rampant blogging until then, so... here's to making the most of it!

Over and out.

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