Sunday Morning

Does anyone else get really disappointed when they check PostSecret and it's not up?

I mean, book tour, schmook tour. Give us our PostSecret!

I'm kidding, Frank. Really I am.

Here's some cute kittens from the pet store.

Bowling For Broken Nails

In order to suck as much as I can out of my Christchurch experience before I return to the town of cows on Thursday, I dragged my flatmate around the place this weekend, playing minigolf (I won) Timezone basketball (I won) and bowling.

You'll notice I didn't menton winning bowling.

I forgot the *real* reason I never go bowling in Hamilton, and that is, not because Donny is a duty manager there, but because I might just be the WORST bowler in the world. This was evident when on my second turn, I managed two consecutive gutter balls. I don't even know what my combined score for two games was, but I'm going to go right ahead and take a shot. Probably around 30. I am that bad at bowling.

To be fair, bowling is not an enjoyable thing to do. Unlike minigolf, at which I am relatively good (this may be in part due to the two years I spent on my high school golf team, but let's keep that under wraps), bowling hurts. It not only chipped half the nail polish off of most of the fingers on my right hand, it's left me with a slightly swollen, red thumb and forefinger, and a sore toe. I dare say that the bowling action also exacerbated my already flaming right rotator cuff tendinitis, too. Can't wait for my swim in the morning!

What a waste of time. I hate bowling.

Twelve days of Christmas? Hmmm, it's day two, and I'm already stumped. After watching Love Actually (should it be Love, Actually? I mean, just based on Hugh Grant's soliloquy at the end: "Love, actually is all around" or is that just a pause, not a comma? Ah, who cares really?) for about the fourteen thousandth time tonight, I'm going to put it out there. Donny: All I want for Christmas is you.

Moving on, I'm going to say two pots of Chanel Hydramax + Active Moisture Cream.

Two pots of Chanel Hydramax + Active Moisture Cream
And a Donny in a pear tree.

I Love: Koko Tsurumi

I've found another gymnast to add to my list of much-loved Japanese people: Koko Tsurumi.

The 4'7" Tsurumi, out of Tokyo, this year in London became the first Japanese woman to medal at a World Gymnastics Championships since 1966. On watching videos of her performances, it's easy to see why. Koko lacks the difficulty of Chinese superstar He Kexin on bars (but, seriously - tell me who doesn't. That girl is like a magician on the apparatus) but executes her skills with perfection and grace, earning her a silver medal. She was third in the all-around - a few steps on the landing of a tumbling set on floor may have cost her silver, but her other landings on the apparatus were flawless, and reminiscent of a young Carly Patterson in 2004. Granted, Koko is somewhere between Carly and Nastia in terms of grace (Carly being all punch and power, and Nastia looking like she would fit seamlessly into the Bolshoi), but her stuck landings at Worlds this year were laudable.

At last year's Olympic Games in Beijing, China, Koko was a beam finalist, placing eighth (she was sixteen at the time). At Worlds this year she was able to best that by two places, despite a considerable wobble following a flip flop-back aerial series. On beam, like her other apparatus, she is precise and calculated, almost to her detriment - she nearly ran over time, but ignoring the stress involved with hearing the ten-second signal, was able to deliver a flawless dismount.

Unfortunately, Koko was born in an "off" year - meaning her best years will come between Olympic Games. There's nothing to say, however, that she won't be in tip-top form for the 2012 Games in London, (just ask Kosuke Kitajima about the benefits of preparing for a familiar competition venue) and if not then she has a viable shot at the all-around at 2011 Worlds - to be held in Koko's own hometown of Tokyo. Hell, I might even be there by then! (Tokyo, not competing at Worlds...)

What Is This? Paramore Day?

Wow, I am really not a fan of Paramore, ESPECIALLY when they are having a like, "It's Sunday morning! Let's play a whole bunch of Paramore songs in a row on the radio right now!" moment on the radio station, and the other options are U2 and John Mayer.

I'm having an unproductive weekend. Last night, rather than finishing the text I'm reading for my January Summer paper, I watched The Nanny Diaries. Have you seen it? It's utter crap, and I knew it as soon as I started watching. But I watched it anyway. It was that or like, Naked & Funny, which could in fact be the WORST show of all time ever.

Wow, I'm full of bitchiness this morning, aren't I?

Oh, here's something nice: Caroline Evers-Swindell, one half of New Zealand's favourite twin sisters, got married in Taupo yesterday. The Evers-Swindells (the other sister being Georgina) have twice won the Olympic women's double sculls race in rowing, along with a bunch of World titles. They retired earlier in the year, and Georgina got married. Yesterday it was Caroline's turn, and the twins joined a short line of New Zealand athletes who are settling down for the family life. Sarah Ulmer had a sly baby recently, too.

Is it wrong that I'm desperate to hear whether she triple-hyphenates her name to Caroline Evers-Swindell-Meyer? Fingers crossed.

Antonio Berardi Is Too Cool For School

A Milan designer named Antonio Berardi (and one who is associated with trash monster and mega-bitch Megan Fox) apparently recently referred to Lady Gaga's music as "meaningless" and has turned down an opportunity to create a line with her.


Sure. I won't argue with that. I have no idea what any of her songs are about, but I love them anyway, and I love her and her ridiculous outfits. And considering I'd never heard of this guy before I read the aforementioned comments about my idol, I don't think he's in a position to judge.


I'll take Gaga over the Fox-monster any day. Yeuch.

Tekau Mā Rua Rā

It's December 12! So, Taupo Half-Ironman and the first day of my twelve days of Christmas.

Sound like I'm counting down to Christmas? Na, not really. I'm just bored as hell.

Now, I guess the trick with this is that I have prioritise items in order of things I only want one of, right up to things I want twelve of. You've been led to believe that it's a partridge in a pear tree? Nuh-uh. Here in the Land of the Long White, it's a pukeko in a ponga tree. The idea of which is laughable to us folk, given that the pesky pukeko is a swamp-dwelling hen whose main purpose in life is to be chased by Silvie and I when we run around the lake in Hamilton.

Anyway, I think since I can only have one of whatever I choose for my first day of Christmas, I'm going to have to say... Donny.

*insert photo here*

For reasons of protecting his identity (yeah, he's not *actually* called Donny, as you may have guessed), I can't really go around posting photos of him on my blog until our wedding. Haha.


On an unrelated note, look at this ridiculous status message that Curtis posted yesterday. He is just such a booger.

Five days til home!!!

You're A Text From Last Night

Post title courtesy of my flatmate...

Okay, this is the lamest thing I've ever read on tfln.

Miriam ftw... Apparently?!

Right.

So who saw that coming? Certainly not me - in fact, to the extent where I refused to go home for the Awards Dinner because I "knew" Casey would win.

I got a phonecall at about 10:30 last night from Chloe's phone (Chloe runs Parafed Waikato, of which I am longtime member and also a volunteer). I expected her to tell me that Casey had won, but in fact when I answered it I instantly recognised not Chloe's voice, but my mother's.

"You won!" she announced, sounding a bit teary. Oh, dear. Did she cry during my acceptance speech - that she was delivering? It's likely.

Exciting though, right? And maybe even the most left-of-field victory of all time. In yesterday's Waikato Times, more space was dedicated to Casey's achievements than today's one liner about me winning. I'd say the entire audience at the Awards would have had close to no clue who I am, excluding of course my parents and Chloe, and the three other people who they passed the phone around to for me to talk to last night.

My mum emailed me the above photo of my award this morning, and told me that I also had a lovely bouquet waiting for me (which will most likely have wilted and died by the time I get home in six days' time), as well as two separate bouquets from her work. Her best friend Le Vonne, whose husband Roy is the Deputy Editor of the Waikato Times newspaper in Hamilton, was more excited than my own mother, and this morning circulated a congratulatory email around their division at work.

I've been told that on my return, I'm to have an interview with the Times (funny, as upon my return from Worlds they ignored my results). So you must excuse me for my inflated sense of self today.

Peace, love and oversized award plaques!

Superbabe Has... Well, A Baby

Congratulations to superbabe Gisele Bundchen and her husband Tom Brady, who have today welcomed a little boy into their family. Gisele is one of my favourite models (I'll admit, I have more than a few). I own many of her shoes, and have long tacked photos of her onto my fridge - during my "I want to look like this" phases.

I'm amazed at the number of hot supermodels who are now giving birth and returning to the industry. Damn hotties.

Anchors Aweigh

I'm just one week away from returning home from Summer School today. Excited? You bet. Next Saturday, Becky, Manda and I are going to the Flow Bar Christmas party - free shots for those who dress up in red and green. Now, I'll admit I'm not a Christmas fan, but I just can't resist an opportunity to dress up! To that end I'm buying a teeny tiny new dress (in white, and dyeing it red), using my new MAC Mineralize Eyeshadow Duo in Fresh Green Mix (whoever thought neon green would make for a hot Christmas look?!) and getting amongst it!

Concerns about clubbing in Cowtown? Sure. Donny's bound to be out and about, and abusive as always. The likelihood of crossing paths with LMC is potentially high, as it is with our "mutual friend". But being negative about such chances seems like a waste of energy. After all, I'll be out in my hometown for a night of fun with two of my favourite girls, and whoever else is out for a good time with minimal drama. Hooray!

Of course, now my trip home is just a week from now, the days are really dragging their feet. I woke up this morning, thinking (and hoping) it was Friday, but alas, this is not the case. Never mind though. In just six sleeps, I'll be back in Cowtown, looking at the lovely billboards featuring Donny that I've been told now grace the walls of the Hamilton Airport. Good.

Peace and love as always!

Body Beautiful

Bath & Body: Body Cleanser, Body Moisturiser, Exfoliant, Fragrance
Body Cleanser: While I rave about philosophy Amazing Grace ad nauseum, I'm actually going to abandon it in favour of Lush shower gels, simply because they've brought Slammer back, and because it's Christmas time so Snow Fairy fills my showers with happiness and lovely smells every day.

Body Moisturiser: I still say St Ives Advanced Body Moisturiser can't be beat! It's only like, $3.50 here for a massive 532mL container (532mL? Why?) that lasts and lasts, and truly moisturises the driest of skins. Others worth mentioning are Nivea Irresistibly Smooth Body Lotion and Palmers Alpha Hydroxy Skin Smoothing Lotion (it got a mention last year, for "stinging like a bitch after shaving". Still true).

Exfoliant: Ahh, I just can't go past L'Oreal Exfotonic. I freakin LOVE it. Although I have to admit, a pair of exfoliating gloves are a worthwhile investment. They make for hassle-free, mess-free showers and only need to be replaced yearly. Not worth the money: ModelCo Polished Exfoliating Body Scrub. It smells weird, it hardly exfoliates, it's crazy expensive... don't do it.

Fragrance: I've loved many fragrances this year. Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb, Tommy Hilfiger Dreaming, Boss Orange... but I'm afraid that philosophy Amazing Grace still reigns. Smell it, and you'll understand.

Fact: if you buy it for me, I will love you forever.

And we're done for another year! Hooray. Okay, how much closer to 300 am I now? I feel like I've been typing all day. Peace and love on Earth, yo.

And The Rest

Eyes: Eyeshadow, Mascara, Eyeliner, Eyebrow Enhancer

Eyeshadow: This is a toughie, because I'm obsessed with the Napoleon Perdis Prismatic Eye Shadow Quad in #6, but it's just not really an everyday combination. #13 is more user-friendly, and I cannot rave enough about the staying power of these shades. I've said it before and I'll say it again - Napoleon is hugely underrated as a cosmetics house. Ridiculously overpriced favourite: Dior 5-Colour Eyeshadow. If you want to buy it for me as a birthday gift, please do.

Mascara: As you may well know, mascara is my life. And I've had many loves. Napoleon's Long Black, L'Oreal Telescopic, Smashbox Bionic... I feel that this year I finally met my match in Lancome Cils Design Pro, which I've mentioned before on many an occasion. Highly commended mascaras include Imju Fiberwig (I managed to acquire some this year: it's fantastic), the aforementioned Long Black and DiorShow Iconic.

Eyeliner: In the past year, I've come to understand the allure of eyeliner, and what a personal thing it is for many women. Grace, for example, stands by the motto that "leaving the house without lined waterlines is a no-no." No one formula suits everyone, and at the same time, everyone needs both a cake or liquid eyeliner, as well as a kohl or pencil liner (as well as some eyeshadow and a good angle brush to finish it off). Napoleon Perdis makes Cake Eyeliner like a dream, use it with their Sealer for all-day perfection. MAC Technakohl is my pick for a pencil-styled liner - I have it in Smoothblue and Full Of Fuschias. Black eyeliner should be a staple product, especially if you're Indian. An Indian woman without her kohl is not an Indian woman at all...

Eyebrow Enhancer: I'm sticking with Smashbox Brow Tech. Apply it with a Smashbox Angle Brow Brush (#12) for perfection.

Lips: Lip Gloss, Lip Liner, Lipstick
Lip Gloss: When I was at makeup school, tutors advised us not to spend a lot of money on lip glosses. They're the most used, lost, and lended-out product of the modern makeup bag, so the theory makes sense. It's so difficult though, because the best cosmetic houses make the most gorgeous glosses! My absolute favourite is Chanel Levres Scintillantes, which retails in New Zealand for $51. My favourite trick: buying as many as my bag will hold in duty free stores when travelling. Not really a secret, but definitely good advice for the luxury lip gloss fiend. Others of note: Chanel Aqualumiere Gloss, Lancome Juicy Tube, MAC Lipglass.

Lip Liner: As a general rule, I swear by MAC Lip Pencil as my never-fail. You'd be surprised though: SRA (where I trained) sell generic brand lip pencils - my favourite shade is Strawberry Rose - that work a treat, and provide lasting results. Bloom also make quality lip pencils. My best advice for lip liner? Use it. You'll be surprised at the difference it makes.

Lipstick: I've become a lipstick queen. When I arrived at SRA, I hated lipstick to the extent that I left it completely out of my last year's makeup recommendations list. This year, I don't even know where to start. In terms of colour, my personal go-to is surprising - Chi Chi Trolley Dolly. Applied over concealed, powdered and lined lips, it's lasted through nights of drinking, eating, kissing and still required scrubbing off with a toothbrush at 4am. Don't be fooled by its inherent tackiness. If you know how to use a lipstick, it will serve you well. Chanel Hydrabase Rouge gets my vote across the board - formula, colour, user-friendliness, staying power. I am, and forever will be, a sucker for MAC Lipstick in Ruby Woo. Lipsticks I'm dying to try: NARS Lipstick, and Make Up For Ever Lipstick. Gimme gimme gimme!

Cheeks: Blush, Bronzer

Blush: I feel like I don't even need to put this category in, because I so frequently rave about NARS Blush in Orgasm that it writes itself. So there you have it. MAC Mineralize SkinFinish Trio (a now discontinued limited edition, so I feel quite privileged to own it) gave it a run for its money this year, but it comes out on top, every time. You just can't beat that J Lo glow.

Bronzer: This year I've become a fan of Natio Pressed Powder Bronzer. It's the perfect colour, it blends like a dream, and it's cheap as chips. I understand MAC and NARS also make beautiful bronzers.

Mascara

I've been hanging out for the 2009 Best of Sephora list for some time now, and it just doesn't seem to be surfacing. So, in the tradition of last year, I'm going to put forward my new and improved recommendations.

Here goes...

Complexion: Foundation, Tinted Moisturiser, Primer, Powder, Concealer
Foundation: This honour still belongs to Clinique Superbalanced Makeup. For most of this year, I've been using its closely related cousin, Clinique Even Better Makeup, but Superbalanced is perfecto. Other close calls: Napoleon Perdis China Doll, DiorSkin Sculpt.

Tinted Moisturiser: I take back my last year's comment that tinted moisturiser should be illegal. It was before I discovered MAC Studio Moisture Tint. If you're going for the fresh-faced, "I'm not wearing makeup, I just look fantastic at the gym" look (which I spent several months trying to perfect), Moisture Tint is your new best friend.

Primer: You guessed it: Benefit That Gal. I just can't let this one go. It's like my love affair with Donny, except That Gal treats me well and loves me in return. Other faves: MAC Prep + Prime Skin, Revlon Beyond Natural Smoothing Primer.

Powder: Don't even get me started. Chanel Luminous Matte Powder Makeup is THE greatest product of any sort, ever. I am obsessed. I am just not going to bother recommended anything else. It's not worth it.

Concealer: I'm sticking with my The Body Shop Concealer Pencil. I no longer advocate using the fingers to apply it, however: get yourself a concealer brush (a small, synthetic eyeshadow brush, provided you use it solely for concealer, will work a treat). If there's one brush you absolutely must keep scrupulously clean at all times, it's your concealer brush. No excuses.

Skincare: Face Cleanser, Face Moisturiser, Eye Treatment, Skin Treatment
Cleanser: This year, more than any other year, I've come to realise that happiness prevails over any cleanser for a perfect complexion. If you're stressed, tired, sad, borderline alcoholic, or having a quarter-life crisis, your skin is going to reflect it. Get your life sorted, and your skin will follow. My favourite cleanser this year was YSL Toning and Cleansing Water, but I'm not going to pretend it's something I can afford the upkeep of. For the most part, I get by on Neutrogena Foaming Scrub, and that suits me just fine.

Moisturiser: I need to take a bit of a break here to allow my racing heart to settle down. Again, Chanel comes up trumps. Never in my life have I experienced anything as beautiful and amazing as Chanel Hydramax + Active Serum and its accompanying Active Moisture Cream. It is THE must-have for your "I'm going to take better care of my skin" new year's resolution. It makes sense to invest in the best moisturiser you can - after all, it stays on your skin round the clock.

Eye Treatment: Hmm, well I hate to sound like a broken record but... Chanel Ultra Corrective Eye will actually change your life. Or at the very least, the skin around your eyes. Grace was horrified to find her party-hard lifestyle was catching up with her earlier this year, so she started using samples of this cream from her work, and we were both very pleased with the results. Many makeup artists will tell you that eye cream is unnecessary, but when you see what we do to peoples' eyes for a living, you've got to wonder what these artists are thinking. I'm a convert, and while it's an expensive habit, you can get by on a sample for a surprising amount of time. Use sparingly and reap the results. Trust me.

Skin Treatment: Whatever you do, don't use a cloth mask. Those things are the devil. Dermalogica is the most outrageously priced skincare line on the market, but with good reason. I love their Multivitamin Power Recovery Masque, but I'm equally partial to an inhouse treatment. If you really need, you should splurge. It's not like anyone else is going to do it for you.

Wii's Good Enough For Kosuke

My late (and great) friend, Kirby Sandford was a longtime stalwart of mental preparation for swimming. I met Kirby at a young age, and we were friends until his incredibly sad passing in 2002. He was, like myself, a disciple of the pool - his favourite events were the 50m and 100m freestyle. Before his death (caused by an almost unbelievable melanoma of the brain lining) he garnered national age-group titles in the shorter distance, and was fourth at Opens in the 100m freestyle in 2001.

Kirby took his swimming so seriously it often hurt. One of my more vivid memories of him (aside from the time we turned up at his house with a homemade mannequin in a wheelbarrow) is from a Waikato Championship meet where I sat silently next to him while he rested his head, eyes closed, on the rail of the bleachers and went about visualising the race he was about to swim. Obviously, his temperament training worked wonders - Kirby was one of the Waikato's most successful swimmers and had he not met his end so early and horribly in life I have little doubt that he would have continued on his path in the sport and become a New Zealand representative if not at Commonwealth Games and World Championships then at the Olympics.

He reminded me of the 2000 Olympic women's 100m breaststroke champion, Megan Quann (now Jendrick). She was so finely tuned psychologically that she could visualise a 100m race, while her coach held a stopwatch, and would often swim within 0.05s of her predicted time in a race.

I've just read that my Japanese hero, Kosuke, used a Nintendo Wii to help him mentally prepare for the Beijing Olympics. Yes, really. You can read about it here. He claims the game Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games helped him envision the atmosphere in which he would be competing. Keen? I'm overly keen. Any excuse to play video games, and I'm in.

As far as I'm concerned, he can do no wrong.

Slam

I've had a great number of "favourites" from Lush in my time. At Christmas time, it's Snow Fairy. I go crazy for American Cream conditioner. Sweet Japanese Girl is my ultimate great skin cleanser, and I've been known to max out on Herbalism, and indulge in Cupcake face mask. Ceridwyn's Cauldron would have to be my favourite bathtime treat, closely followed by Waving Not Drowning, and Sakura. Yep, I'm a bigtime Lush addict.

But five years ago, when I first discovered the aromatic store in Northlands Mall, Christchurch, my original favourite product was Slammer shower gel. I bought about twenty bottles of it before it was, much to my heartache and dismay, discontinued. I mourned my favourite shower gel mercilessly, and eventually found solace in Sonic Death Monkey, Whoosh shower jelly, and in times of financial hardship, Johnson's.

Recently I took to following Lush on Twitter. You can do so here. Imagine my surprise and delight when a tweet popped up making mention of Slammer!

OMG! It's back?! I rejoiced.

Turns out, Lush have re-released some of their discontinued products under the "Retro Lush" line. It includes not only Slammer but Sonic Death Monkey, Freeze, Recon for hair, Hot Java bath ballistics, and more. Check it out!

With that, I welcome Slammer back into my world with open arms. Sure, I've had to ship it, via Norwich, from the UK for a pretty penny. But it is definitely more than worth it. I cannot WAIT to shower with that sweet sweet fragrance again.

I'm thrilled.

The Keratoconjunctivitis Sicca Strikes Back

You may or not remember (depending on how long you've been reading, and how much attention you pay to my ramblings) that I was earlier this year diagnosed with an eye condition called Keratoconjunctivitis Sicca. Since then I've become a slave to eyedrops, using them every night, every morning, after every swim, every makeup removal and so on.

This morning I decided to try smoky eyes a la Viviane Orth as seen on Model Diaries the other night on FashionTV. This required not only liquid liner but about ten times as much black eyeshadow as I'm used to. My eyes freaked out. Not just for the period of time I was wearing the makeup, but also during, and after washing it off.

I feel like I might start crying blood.

It's almost unbelievable how much relief eyedrops can provide. Here's my personal favourite.

My already fairly severe eye condition has been exacerbated of late as a result of driving without my glasses. I just don't know where I put them! It's not good.

Recommendations for eyedrops are welcome.

This Would Be More Fantastic If...

Pete Wentz was replaced by D'Arcy Wretzky... other than that, my favourite advertisement this year.

Aubrey, Published

Seems blogging is experiencing something of a resurgence (I had to use that word at some stage, I just LOVE the Carly-Patterson-on-David-Letterman interview when she says "resurgence? I'm sorry, I don't know what that means!" and she's marketed as a straight-A student. Love her!) amongst my crew. First Thom, (well, if I'm being picky then Briar was the first, but I'm fairly certain she hasn't updated her site in more than eighteen months. Curious?) and now the quirky Rhode-Island-cum-Quebec darling that is Aubrey. Visit her here!

Today I have a test worth 40%. It's in 90 minutes and I'm blogging.

Here's Something I Didn't See Coming

Lady Gaga having a yarn with the Queen of England.

I'm still perplexed as to why the latter is worth $20 when Sir Edmund Hillary and Kate Sheppard are worth $5 and $10 respectively.

The Sonic Recreation Of The End Of The World

I read a ridiculous article on nzherald.co.nz today.

"Kiwis reveal travel loves and loathes" was one of the more pointless things I've read in a while, although I guess the title should have given this away. Nevertheless, I read it and now I feel slightly less intelligent for having done so.

Loathes

Passport photos. Well, duh. You're not even allowed to freakin smile in passport photos, a concept I still don't understand. Is this because smiling changes your face to the extent that when you're tired and grumpy on your way home from Los Angeles that you're absolutely incomparable to your photo? As if. And what happens if you're smiling when you go through customs? Then what? Also, front-on photos don't suit anyone. I'm pretty sure Tyra Banks is the only person to have ever looked good in a passport photo, and I'm even doubtful of that. I think she's hideous, and the fact that she was able to book a job during a flight with her passport photo doesn't register with me. Move along.

Virtually every airport in the country "making some changes". Um, flying domestically isn't exactly considered "travel". And secondly, can you imagine if every airport remained the same as it was when built? Upgrades are necessary. Deal with it, you whiners.

Early morning international flights. Oh my god. Just be grateful you're going overseas!! Personally I think early morning domestic flights are worse. I mean, who wants to get up at 5am for a flight to... Invercargill? At least when you get off the international flight, you're going to be somewhere fun like Singapore or San Francisco. An upshot of early morning flights is that you can get some decent plane sleep in (we all know plane sleep is of the greatest quality, after all) and arrive, slightly more acclimated to the local time zone.

Having to take your laptop out going through security. I'll admit, this does seem ridiculous. What's the point of all those x-ray machines if they can't see through our laptop bags? And sure, Stanford may have just developed batteries in the form of paper (OMG, exciting, I know!!) but to be fair, what are the chances of having a weapon of mass destruction in your CD drive? Still, in the grand scheme of things, unzipping a bag a few times for the sake of not crashing into a huge building in Dubai doesn't really seem worth complaining about. I mean, do you ever think about how annoying it is after you walk away from security? Didn't think so.

Having to "fight" for the armrest. How about shut up? Who cares? Armrests are stupid.

The realisation that you only have one sleep left before you go home. Of course, if you're sleeping on a bench in LAX, it's probably a welcome realisation. But even if you're staying in the Ritz, it's still one night you can get trashed in. One more day you don't have to work...

Hotels and beaches that are nothing like their website picture. Unless you're talking about Kleeforks in England, BEACHES ARE AWESOME. How could you ever claim to "loathe" a beach!?

The "bad hair days" caused by humid holiday spots. Chances are, if you're the type of person to complain about something so ridiculous while vacationing, you're also the type of person that packed their GHD and a power adaptor. Problem solved.

Unpacking and finding your toothpaste, moisturiser or shampoo has leaked. Whenever I travel, I buy that kind of shit when I get there, mainly because my personal hygiene collection takes up a good quarter of my baggage allowance, not to mention the fact that much better shampoos and such can be purchased for a fraction of the price at Wal-Mart. Unless you're a complete retard and didn't pack properly anyway, the extent of spilt toothpaste is negligible. So shhh.

Tipping - why is that porter just hanging around? In the States, waitresses get paid $2 an hour. I challenge you to survive on that wage without tips.