RIP Heidi Montag

Good god, what has she gone and done to herself?

Yes, yes - I do realise I'm a bit slow on the uptake here but I do care so little about Heidi in comparison to the non-reciprocated love affair I have with her old The Hills co-star, Lauren Conrad. It's only tonight that I've seen the mortifying before-and-after pictures (scans from People magazine, I assume?) of Heidi, and only tonight that I see less and less hope for young women growing up in today's society.

I know, meep meep. But seriously you guys, have you SEEN her? Do you remember what she used to look like? By that I mean, a normal person? Now she looks like a well-fucked up Barbie doll. Are those breasts really necessary, Heidi? I mean really. They look like they would interfere with everyday activities like, I don't know, walking. Staying upright.
Obsessed with being "perfect"? Nuh-uh, sweetheart. You do not look perfect, or close to it. You look fuuuuuucked up beyond recognition.

Another thing that "grinds my gears" (wow, I hope that's the last time I ever use that phrase. Ugh) about this whole thing? Heidi has blamed her insecurities on the pressures of Hollywood, saying people used to make fun of her chin. She then goes on to say, and I quote "... what people say at the end of the day about me doesn't matter." Um, what?

"I was an ugly duckling before"

I know Hollywood is a tough place to feel beautiful. I've been there. But shit, so is anywhere. I see at least fifty girls that are better-looking than me right on campus here in Dunedin every single day when I'm at school. That's like, 250 people a week. De-puh-ressing, right? And it's not for lack of caring - because I do care - but I know getting sliced up to the extent where I look like a weird, half blown-up, half downsized, cat eyed and ears pinned back version of my former self isn't going to help. I know that. If I know that, why doesn't Heidi know? Can't someone tell her that?

As much as it pains me to say this, I bet there are some sad, misinformed girls out there that like Heidi. They wear "Team Heidi" tshirts, and keep their eyes peeled for guys that will abuse them into submission, then kick them when they're down, like Spencer Pratt does. What an example you're setting, Heidi! If you're sad, get transformed by the wonders of plastic surgery! Looking "perfect" is in fact the answer to all of life's problems!

Someone needs to intervene. Either have this girl exiled and banned from all forms of media, or get her some serious, serious psychiatric help, away from that monster Spencer Pratt. As far as I'm concerned, she's ruined her own life and she's in a position to influence young women to ruin theirs as well.

No more Heidi!