"The Ugly Truth About Beauty"

Bleah. Last night I half-watched 20/20 Special Edition, which was based on UK lifestyle journalist Kate Spicer and her efforts to self-improve through surgery. This isn't better living through chemistry, people. This is beauty. And beauty is pain.


The above is a shot of Kate at the beginning of her journey - one that took her to New York and Los Angeles to get injected, peeled, and injected some more, all in the name of looking younger and well, better. Sure, she's not ideal, but it happens.

Nothing some judicious corrective makeup couldn't fix, though. Let me assure you. I've been through makeup school. I know how to make bags disappear.

Anyway, the documentary went on to show her getting consultations from various surgeons, including one Joan Rivers lookalike who crowed, "I mean, do I look like I've had Botox?" to which Kate's answer was a deadpan "yes". She ended up getting Botox, Restylane, eye fat removal... in all, over 100 injections in a short span of time. Not ideal. One of the procedures was so invasive that she had to remain indoors with the curtains closed for a few days following, so as not to further burn the skin around her eyes. Cosmetic enhancement isn't exactly... versatile.

The show highlighted the absolute non-hesitation many women in the US have about such procedures, which personally I have no problem with (it's just not for me. My god, it must hurt SO much!), but you just have to wonder about the longterm effects of such things. I mean, most of these techniques have been devised in the last ten years. Do we really know what's going to happen to our faces if we keep jabbing at them with various poisons and such? Yikes.

And, in all honesty, I was not that impressed with the results. Her under-eye bags were diminished, yes, but apart from that I saw no real difference. And in terms of like, effort versus outcome, yeah... totally not worth it. For the majority of the time during the procedures, Kate appeared incredibly uncomfortable, and she also noted strange feelings relating to her self-worth and image. It was quite unsettling.

My verdict? Rubbish. Don't do it.

Now, of course you'll be forgiven for thinking I'm crazy for my following blather, especially considering I'm infamous for my self-improvement schemes (which have included: not eating for two days before the 48Hour final to fit into a pair of jeans, which are, kind of ironically, now too big; drinking up to 5 litres of water a day for the month leading up to an event, with the intention of having flawless skin; sleeping in face masks; not being seen on Skype sans-makeup... you get the picture.) but honestly? A little self-love wouldn't go amiss right here. Work with what you've got, ladies! (and gentlemen, you vain, vain things)

I know I'm biased, but with makeup you can do anything. Email me (mimartiste@gmail.com) if you're really struggling, but in most cases, good quality and purpose-built products can fix your face issues. Usually, they're so not as bad as you think, anyway!

And at the end of the day, I always remember a quote from "The Black Day Book": don't bother taking time on your appearance. No-one notices you anyway.

Peace and love, yo.