Fall From Grace

Well, Lance Armstrong is probably feeling quite happy that he announced his imminent return to triathlon now that he fairly bowed out of this year's Tour de France, finishing the GC in 21st place - his worst placing ever. To be fair, Mr Jonathan Mellow (one of his more formal nicknames) is almost 40, and has already won cycling's crown jewel seven times, as well as being the GC runner-up last year.

Lance was once my favourite rider, but after I switched allegiances to Garmin last year, Vande Velde became my man by default. This year, Garmin's Ryder Hesjedal took over the mantle of "team leader" when Vande Velde withdrew, maimed, on stage two. The whole "Contador vs Armstrong" dynamic within the Astana camp last year caused me to lose a lot of respect for Lance (but nothing compared to the deep-seated hatred I have for that bastard Mark Cavendish), so I'm not going to lie: I had a bit of a chuckle each day when Lance failed to make the top ten GC list. Even moreso when I saw Ryder's name on there repeatedly.

There's a good chance Lance will now smash everyone in the world at Ironman. At his first marathon outing at NYC in 2006, he turned in a fairly swift three-hours - which he then shattered the following year by posting a 2:46. There aren't many guys in the world that can win a Tour de France AND run a sub three-hour marathon. Add this to that Lance was once fourth in the state of Texas for the 1500-m freestyle, and yeah... watch out, Ironman.

I, meanwhile, have no plans to return to anything so active for at least the remainder of this year. Currently, I'm battling what might be lung cancer (disclaimer: this is a self-diagnosed condition at present, but stay tuned just in case) as well as a serious caffeine addiction, and lack-of-exercise-induced borderline obesity.

Instead, my plan is to be one of those couch-based former athletes, reporting in a pessimistic style from in front of the television during the 2010 Commonwealth Games, World Artistic Gymnastics Championships, and Pan Pacific Swimming Championships (note: the first of these to get underway is Pan Pacs, from the Irvine pool in SoCal. I can't wait. August 18th, bitches).

By far the most exciting thing about both Pan Pacs and Comms is that FEDERICA PELLEGRINI WON'T BE THERE. So we won't have to deal with any of her bitchiness. YAY!

Guess who will likely be at Gymn Worlds though...

Everybody's faaaavourite bulldog, Rebecca Bross!

Still, I heard a rumour that Kayla Williams can do a double layout with a full twist now.It doesn't make sense, and I don't know if I believe it... but if it's true then I may just die from happiness.